> I personally didn't realize how bad the calculus of chasing after companies in tech hubs looks until I started doing costs-of-living calculations while evaluating job offers with relocation.
Your mistake was waiting until mid-career to try to pivot to a higher paying job in a HCOL area, because then you'll be 10+ years behind your peers. If you start your career in a HCOL area it's not unfeasible to reach 400k+ by your 30s, at which point you can afford a family even in San Francisco if you wanted one. It's also much easier to find a higher income spouse in a HCOL area, which helps the math too.
I've made plenty of mistakes in my career, though arguably, I've never been in this for the money. What you describe is probably near-optimal from financial point of view, but I can't imagine my younger self being capable of seriously considering such thought process.
Your mistake was waiting until mid-career to try to pivot to a higher paying job in a HCOL area, because then you'll be 10+ years behind your peers. If you start your career in a HCOL area it's not unfeasible to reach 400k+ by your 30s, at which point you can afford a family even in San Francisco if you wanted one. It's also much easier to find a higher income spouse in a HCOL area, which helps the math too.