This sounds a LOT like me -- exactly the way I used to think (and still sometimes do). What's really helped me turn around was a realization I got from a book, "The Mindful Way through Depression." Tell me if the below description sounds familiar.
I treated my frustrations with my life just like I treated any other problem. I put my life under the microscope and considered carefully which areas I found inadequate. I'd look at each area and consider what was going wrong and what it would take to fix it. Once I had a plan on how to fix it, I'd follow the plan. I'd keep evaluating my progress, and try and improve where I was lacking.
This is a great way to solve problems, but somehow it never worked when I looked at my life this way. Somehow it just seemed overwhelming and depressing. And instead of taking some little step to better myself, I'd just waste the day away browsing the internet or watching Hulu. I'd have a completely clear idea of what I needed to do to reach my goals, but I just couldn't bring myself to do them.
The realization the book gave me was that the impulse to scrutinize my life had, for me, become destructive. Intellectually, setting goals and breaking them down into manageable steps is useful. But the continuous evaluation I did on myself just drained me emotionally.
The way I think about it is that I do not have the same ability to emote abstractly as I have to think abstractly. When I put a problem or deficiency in my life under the microscope, it allows me to focus on the problem intellectually. But my emotions don't understand microscopes -- instead, they treat the problem as overwhelmingly huge. Evaluating my progress over and over again didn't lead to improving my methods -- it just made me feel emotionally besieged.
The solution for me has been to break the cycle of scrutinizing my life. It's an old habit, and it's been hard. But when I get to thinking "I'm wasting my talent" or "I regret wasting so much time" I do my best to keep myself from obsessing over it. And with that off my back I find it much easier to work towards my goals.
I treated my frustrations with my life just like I treated any other problem. I put my life under the microscope and considered carefully which areas I found inadequate. I'd look at each area and consider what was going wrong and what it would take to fix it. Once I had a plan on how to fix it, I'd follow the plan. I'd keep evaluating my progress, and try and improve where I was lacking.
This is a great way to solve problems, but somehow it never worked when I looked at my life this way. Somehow it just seemed overwhelming and depressing. And instead of taking some little step to better myself, I'd just waste the day away browsing the internet or watching Hulu. I'd have a completely clear idea of what I needed to do to reach my goals, but I just couldn't bring myself to do them.
The realization the book gave me was that the impulse to scrutinize my life had, for me, become destructive. Intellectually, setting goals and breaking them down into manageable steps is useful. But the continuous evaluation I did on myself just drained me emotionally.
The way I think about it is that I do not have the same ability to emote abstractly as I have to think abstractly. When I put a problem or deficiency in my life under the microscope, it allows me to focus on the problem intellectually. But my emotions don't understand microscopes -- instead, they treat the problem as overwhelmingly huge. Evaluating my progress over and over again didn't lead to improving my methods -- it just made me feel emotionally besieged.
The solution for me has been to break the cycle of scrutinizing my life. It's an old habit, and it's been hard. But when I get to thinking "I'm wasting my talent" or "I regret wasting so much time" I do my best to keep myself from obsessing over it. And with that off my back I find it much easier to work towards my goals.